【Watch Lamas Online】

If President Trump were to ever appear on Watch Lamas OnlineHGTV's House Hunters,he'd be the guy obsessed with getting the double sink in his personal bathroom and a huge backyard for his grill which, guaranteed, he does not know how to use.

So it's only natural that the President would call the White House (retail value: approximately $1 gazillion space dollars) a "dump" in a conversation with friends at his Bedminster Golf Club. What's the White House next to one of Trump's 1 karat gold palaces, with spaces uniquely designed for extramarital threesomes and cutting overpriced blow?

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Let's allow Yelp to tell the story.

SEE ALSO: Here's what healthcare would look like if we took President Trump literally

Here's how Trump's properties stack up next to that dump of a White House, according to the good people at Yelp, Trip Advisor and Google.

Visitors love Trump properties because of how beautifully they blend in with their local environments

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It's the attention to detail that makes a Trump property so uniquely Trump

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Nothing says class like "peanut -illed turds" and bed pubes

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The world's most powerful and distinguished elites call Trump properties home

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Simply walking through a Trump property is a therapeutic experience in it of itself

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Farm-to table-to-Trump

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Why have the White House when you can have this?

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